Still Here, Still Mom | Life After Loss

My girls are grieving too.

And I don’t know if I’m doing this right.

That is probably one of the hardest parts of all of this.

Not just my own grief…

But watching theirs.

Because they are not just dealing with loss…

They are dealing with confusion.

With questions.

With emotions they don’t fully understand yet.

And I am supposed to guide them through it…

while I am still trying to figure it out myself.

There is no manual for this.

No “right way” to parent through something like this.

Some days, I feel completely lost.

I don’t always know what they need.

I don’t always know what to say.

I don’t always know if I am helping…

or if I am getting it wrong.

Because grief looks different for them.

Sometimes it’s tears.

Sometimes it’s anger.

Sometimes it’s silence.

And sometimes…

it looks like nothing at all.

And that’s the hardest part.

Trying to read what they are feeling…

when they don’t always show it.

My youngest still believes her daddy is coming back.

She waits.

She hopes.

She talks about him like he is just somewhere else…

and will walk through the door again.

And I don’t know how to take that away from her.

How do you explain something like this…

without breaking their hearts all over again?

My eldest feels it differently.

There is anger there.

There is confusion.

There are questions that don’t have answers.

And there is guilt.

Guilt that no child should ever have to carry.

I see it in both of them…

just in different ways.

And all I want to do…

is take their pain away.

But I can’t.

So instead…

I sit with them in it.

I hold them when they cry.

I listen when they want to talk.

I give them space when they don’t.

And on the days when I don’t know what to do…

I just show up.

Not perfectly.

Not with all the answers.

But with love.

Because that is all I have right now.

And maybe…

that is enough.

If you are a parent going through something similar…

trying to hold your children together…

while you are falling apart inside…

Please hear this:

You are not alone.

You don’t have to get it right.

You just have to keep showing up.

One moment at a time. 🤍